


Anorexic Depressed Fubuki

by Caithlinschmidt



Category: Beyblade, ベイブレードバースト | Beyblade Burst (Anime)
Genre: Anorexia, Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:41:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caithlinschmidt/pseuds/Caithlinschmidt
Summary: A story about a depressed Fubuki with Anorexia.





	Anorexic Depressed Fubuki

Anime: Beyblade Burst Chouzetsu  
  
  
  
  


_I can feel there eyes on me._

_No matter how much i try to ignore it._

_I can steel feel everyone in the canteen staring at me._

_They are judging me._

_They are disgusted by how i look._

That was the only thing i could think about while i was sitting at a table alone, with my head down and my eyes closed. Everyone there was eating but i wasn't i can't eat. I forgot my luch at home. That's the excuse i would always use when someone asks me why i'm not eating, i'm hungry, i'm really hungry but i can't eat. If i eat i will gain weight, and if i gain weight i will get fat. It's not like i'm not already fat but i don't want to become even fatter. I'm already fucking disgusting looking, every part of my body is hideous. Everything about me is repulsive, i'm just ugly. I'm so fat. No matter how hard i try i never loos any weight.

I have no clue why nobody has ever said something about it, they should've noticed how much weight I've been gaining by now.

I'm just so got damn disgusting.

I was so lost in thought i couldn't even see someone was standing besides me, and was staring at me, untile they finally said something.

"Hey, how are you doing today? You look like something is bothering you." A familiar voice said to me, it was Suoh

I quickly snaped out of my thought and looked at him. "I'm fine...just a little tired that's all." I said while looking away from him and staring at the table again.

"If you say so." He didn say anything for a few seconds before he started talking again. "Hey, do you want to hang out with me and the rest of the BeyClub on the roof and train a little bit until class starts?"

I want to train with them but i don't want to ruin there fun by being there, i'm always so demanding when were traing, and who would want to be around a ugly demanding guy? No one would. But i would never turn down a offer like that. So if i say no to him he'll probably be concerned about me, i don't want him to waste all his time being concerned about me. I'm not worth it.

I faked a gentle smile and looked at him. "I would love to train with you guys."

Suoh didn't say anything back he just smiled at me and started walking, i quickly stood up from the chair i was sitting on and walked after him. When we were walking we didn't say anything to each other, but it wasn't like i really cared i enjoyed the silence. But sometimes i could see him glancing at me with a concerned but also slightly happy expression on his face, like he was strying to hide his concern. I tried not to think much of it and continued walking.

When we got to the roof we were greeted by the sound of Tokonatsu and Aiga screaming at the top of there longs, and shouting at there beys they were having a Bey battle. I don't even think the others realized we were there, they were all way to focust on the intense battle that was going on right now. Me and Suoh walked over to the bench and sat down, and just watched the others battle.

I tried to focus on the battle but i just couldn't concentrate, i just couldn't focus even if i wanted to i was lost in my own thoughts. Now that i think about it that has been happening a lot lately, when i'm in class or doing other things it's really hard to concentrate on what i'm doing. I just keep thinking about other things, i always start thinking about how much of a failure i am, or other depressing thought. I just can't seem to focus on anything else, no matter how much i try i just can't.

I looked over at Suoh and when i did he started takling. "Hey, did you know we have a biology test today?" He said while looking at me.

Of course i know we have a test today, and i don't like it. "Uhm...yes i know."

He didn't say anything he just stared of in the distance, he was probably thinking of another topic to talk about. After what fellt like an eternity of silence he finally said something.

"Tokunatsu and Aiga are done batteling, do you want to have a Bey battle with me?"

It took me some time to proces the question, i don't really feel like batteling anyone right now, mostly because i'm not really a good blader i wouldn't be a good aponnent at all. And i'm also pretty tired.

"Sorry but i don't really feel up for a battle right now."

After i said that he looked away from me and started frowning, and there was another long silence. But after a while he looked at me again with concern writen all over his face.

"...Fubuki...are you alright...?" That question took me by surprise, why would he even ask something like that? Why is he being concerned about me?

"Of course i am, what makes you think i'm not?"

"Well, you've changed...a lot recently..."

By changed a lot does he mean my body? Cause if he does then he's right, my body has changed a lot, I've gained weight.

"Oh...what do you mean with changed a lot...?"

"You just haven't been yourself lately, you haven't been talking to me or the other club members a lot,and everytime we talk you act so insecure. And it's like you never eat anything at all, and you've lost a lot of weight..."

I lost weight? No i didn't. There is no way I've lost any weight, if anything i gained a lot of weight.

"What do you mean? I haven't lost any weight."

"Yes you have, we used to be around the same weight and our bodies used to look similar, but right now you look way tinner then i do." No. He's wrong compared to him i look way fatter.

"I already told you, you're wrong." I said in a stern voice.

"No, i'm right you have!"

"No i haven't! Maybe you've just gained weight!" After i said that i immediately regretted what i said to him.

He looked like he wanted to say something, but as soon s he opened his mouth the school bell rang, and i imediately stood up and ran to my class.

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I was lying down on my bed in my room while the lights were out, i was trying ro get some sleep while i was waiting for dinner to get ready. But i just can't fall asleep at all, my brain just keeps thinking about other things, like the test we had today. I didn't know the answer to any of the questions on the test, that's because i haven't been studying properly. Like i said before i just can't seem to concentrate on anything, and that includes studying. That's why i failed almost all the tests that we had recently, i used to be one of the smartest people in my class but now i can't even do good on one test.

I'm pathetic. I can't do even one thing right.

I said up straight and just started staring at the aqua coloured wall, i was just waiting for dinner to be ready.

But i really don't want to eat anything, eating will make me even fatter. And i'm already way to fat. Everyone around me has such beautiful bodies, but i don't. I'm fat overweight and repulsive, my entire body is so disgusting that i can't even look at myself. Everyone that has ever laid eyes on me probably also thought i looked disgusting too, who wouldn't think i'm the most ugliest and disgusting looking person they have ever seen? I'm ugly and fat, no matter how hard i try to loos weight i'm still fat. I'm just so fucking overweight. Why can't i just be thin and beautiful like everyone else i know? Why am i the one that's so ugly?

I want to be beautiful like everyone else, i don't want to be so god damn ugly.

I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks, i tried to wipe the tears away but they just kept coming back. I just could stop crying, no matter how hard i tried i just couldn't. The tears just kept coming and they just wouldn't stop. Sobs just continued to escape my mouth, i buried my face in my pillow and just continued crying. I tried to calm myself down but it didn't work, i just couldn't get myself to stop. The sadness i'm feeling right now is just to much for me to handle, it was just to much for me to handle on my own. I just can't handle all of this despair on my own, but i don't want to bother anyone with my problems. But i can't handle it on my own, i'm so got damn pathetic!

I can't even stop crying on my own, i'm so worthless and pathetic. I'm so useless. Why am i even still here? I'm just a bother to everyone, i'm just a pathetic waist of space.

After what felt like an eternity of crying the tears finally stoped pouring, i wiped my tears away with my blanket. I grabbed my Bey out of my pocket looked at it and smiled a little.

"Fornous...you're the only one that can make me forget about how hideous i am....but sometimes i wonder, do i even deserve such an amazing Bey like you....?" Of course i don't, i'm not even a good Blader. I can't even win a singles battle, i'm completely worthless when it come to Blading. Actually scratch that i'm worthless at everything i do, i'm the most worthless being alive.

I suddenly got snapped out of my depressing thoughts by the sound of my mother yelling. "Honey dinner is ready!" I could hear my mother yell from downstairs. I slowly stood up from my bed and putted my Bey back in my pocket, and walked down the stairs. I walked through the hallway while trying avoid looking at my reflection in the giant mirror that was standing there, and walked to the dinner table. When i got there i sat down and just looked at the food that was on the table, the food that was on the table are some of my favourites. Actually no, they were some of my favourites. I used to love eating it, and i always asked my mom to make them for me. But when i think about eating them now i just start to feel sick, and think about how much weight i will gain if i even eat one bite of it.

I looked at my parents faces, they're looking at me with concern on their faces, they wanted me to eat but i didn't want to. I don't want to eat i really don't want to, i don't want to gain even more weight. I don't want to be even fatter and uglier. But i didn't want my parents to be concerned about me either, they don't have to be concerned about someone like me. I slowly reached out to my fork and with shaking hands i grabbed it and started poking my food. I tried to eat it but the fork didn't even come close to my mouth, i placed the fork back on the table and just looked at my parents faces. They looked disappointed, i disappointed them i let them down like i always do. I looked back down at my plate of food and tried really hard not to burst out in tears.

Me and my parents didn't say anything, we didn't even look at each other. I didn't want to see the looks of disappointment on their faces again, it hurts. I didn't want to let them down, but i also don't want to eat. If i get even fatter I'll be even more of a disappointment.

After a while of sitting in silence my mother spoke up. "Honey please just eat, i made this specially for you." I didn't even look at her while she said that, i just couldn't, i just continued to look at my food.

"Honey, please." She cried out again. I looked up from my plate and looked at her, she looked concerned but she also looked annoyed. She looked like she was getting tired of me acting like this all the time.

I looked at my dad who had the same expression on his face and then i looked back at my mom, and in a soft voice i said. "I...i don't want to..." after i said that i looked back at my plate of food.

"Don't act like such a spoiled brat, we've been doing everything for you and you can't even appreciate it!" My dad suddenly yelled at me.

After that i just couldn't take it anymore i just bursted out in tears. "....I'm sorry....i'm sorry okay! i'm so sorry!"

"You better be sorry, me and your mother give you everything you want and yet you can't even appreciate it!" He looked like he wanted to yell more at me but he got stopped by my mother.

"Stop it. Can't you see you're hurting him!? Can't you see you're hurting your son!?" My dad didn't say anything after that no one of us did, they didn't have to say anything for me to know what there probably thinking. There disappointed, they think i'm a disappointment, but it's not like there wrong.

"I already told you i am sorry...so please stop yelling at me...i-i know i'm always a...a spoiled brat but..." I couldn't hold back the tears any longer."I'm trying okay! I'm trying to be useful and i'm trying not to be a giant disappointment...but...but i just can't...!"

I just couldn't take it anymore, i stood up from my chair and just started running to my room. When i got to my room i just fell down on my bed and started sobbing in my pillow. I just couldn't stop, no matter how much i wanted to, i just couldn't. I couldn't even talk to my parent's without crying, i'm just a worthless emotional wreck, and i hate it, i hate myself. I hate my body and how i look and i hate how useless and pathetic i am.

I grabbed my Bey from my pocket and just looked at it while trying to calm myself down. Some parts of my Bey are pretty sharp, almost all Beys have sharp edges. You could hurt a person pretty badly, you could cut a person with a Bey. I sat up straight and just stared at my Bey for a minute or something, after another few minutes i pulled up my sleeves and just looked at my arms.

I slowly placed my Bey against my arm, i could feel the cold metal as soon as it came in contact with my arm. I slowly made a cut on my arm with the sharp part of my Bey, it was small but it still hurted. I stared at the small cut for a few seconds, when i was done staring i placed my bey against a different part of my arm, and made another cut while tears were running down my cheeks. This cut was a little bit deeper and longer, blood started running down my arm, and i just kept crying.

I just couldn't do anything but look at my arm while crying. After a few minutes of crying i calmed myself down a little, i wiped my tears and the blood on my arm away with my blanket and just stared down at the ground.

Suddenly i could hear someone knocking on my door, i quickly putted my bey back in my pocket and wrapped my blanket around me so no one could see my arm. And laid down on on my bed and pretend to be asleep, i really don't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Honey are you alright?" I could hear my mom ask in a soft and concerned voice while she opened the door to my room, she sat down on my bed and started petting my head. She didn't say anything though, she was just petting my head, i'm not going to lie it did calm me down.

After god know how long of petting my head she stopped and finally started talking.

"You know earlier today one of your friends called me, they told me that you've been acting very distant with your friends and that they are concerned about you..." She said as she started petting my head again.

"Honey please tell me what's wrong...i don't like seeing you like this..." I didn't give a response.

"Fubuki i know you're awake, tell me why are you acting like this?" I still didn't say anything, i didn't want to, i didn't want to talk to her. Why is she even trying to talk to me? Can't she see it's a waste of time to even try? And speaking of useless why is she even concerned about me? I just don't understand.

At long last i finally said something. "Please...mom can you please leave?...i-i really don't want to talk to any one right now..." I said while burying my face in my pillow.

"Fubuki...fine I'll leave...but please...tell me what's going on..."

I raised and looked straight into her eyes."When i feel like it...when i finally calmed down a little bit...then maybe,,," After i said that i immediately burried my face into my pillow again.

"...Goodnight honey, i hope your going to be alright soon..." After she said that she walked leaving me in my despair.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_ I hope you guys liked this story it is over 3000 words long tell me what you think. _ **


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